Olympic Update #4

EXCLUSIVE OLYMPIC UPDATE

Injured Ball Continues to Roll to Recovery

The injured ball from the opening round of volleyball competition continues its recovery in its bid to return to competition before the end of the Olympics. A flat was repaired two days ago and the ball began rehab yesterday. Ball technicians are concerned that the ball may get into competition too early citing that from its injury, it could have a weak bladder and needs to make sure it heals completely before returning to play. If the ball returns to play before it is 100% technicians say it could result in an embarrasing mess.

USA Foiled In Foiling Competition

After winning a medals sweep in saber competition at the opening of the Olympics, American fencers have been foiled in the Women's Individual Foil competition. The winner was an Italian police officer winning her third straight Olympic gold medal But don't look for her picture, or any of the other fencer's picture on a Wheaties box. Reynolds Aluminum Foil has announced a deal with the foil winner to appear on boxes of aluminum wrap over the next four years. Don't feel too sad for the Americans, though. Their medal winning efforts have won them a lucrative contract with American Fencing to have their pictures posted on construction fencing around the nation as well as appearances as body doubles in the US Marines ads for the next four years.

USA Bye Bye Birdie

The Americans fall in the quarterfinals of the pairs badminton competition. The pair quickly fell to the second ranked Chinese team. But the news isn't all foul for the American team. As mentioned earlier, Bill Gates is a new fan of the sport and has offered to make holographic images of the duo to appear on the rubber birdie cocks that are used in the game. This will be a first as Badminton has never really been a sport beset by sports star promotion. Of course no-one will ever know their names as their holographic images sporting the genuine Wilson insinia will be batted around for the next several years.

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