Misery Loves Company Installment #1

Misery Love’s Company

 An Autobiography of a Love Life That Never Was.

 OR

How to Succeed At Failing in Love In One Easy Step: Making The Attempt.

By Misery Love

The story of a young boy growing up and falling in love, and then growing up some more and falling in love and growing up some more and falling in love and growing up even more and…

Copyright 2002 by Bob Boston

All Rights Reserved.

  

CHAPTER 1

 IN THE BEGINNING...

or

A Funny Thing Happened To Me On The Way To The Delivery Room

or

Help, Help, I’ve Got a Strange Growth

  Of course it all started in the beginning. Most stories do. My name is Misery, and for good reason, too. I tell my story for all those who are about to embark, or even those whose ships have already docked and are thinking about setting sail once again on that endless sea of love. You see, when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, we are all miserable. So you would think that we would be wise enough to leave those relationships well enough alone. But then, after many miserable experiences, we find that we are all miserable without those relationships with members of the opposite sex. We all have our stories. This is mine.

You may have a hard time believing this, but I have an extraordinary memory. I can actually remember the day I was born. The memory of being awakened from a somber sleep in my dark and warm, peaceful existence, and suddenly being tom away. I was pushed and squeezed as I was moved through a long and dark corridor against my will. I remember my head being pushed up and seeing a small pinhole of light in the distance that grew larger as I moved closer. I fought to return to my only known existence, but I was unmercifully squeezed and pushed toward the light. I heard noises: Exciting noises. I heard voices: unfamiliar voices.

I had heard voices throughout my existence, but they were always soft, gentle, and muffled. But now they were getting louder, clearer, and they were clearly excited. The excitement of the new noises made me momentarily forget my apprehensions of being pushed toward the light as I was filled with curiosity to know what was beyond the light. As the light grew larger it felt warmer and more appealing. My curiosity grew stronger. I remember wanting to touch the light, to see what it felt like and to embrace it and pull it close into me. The closer I got to the light, the more peaceful I felt. When I got close enough to where I thought I could touch it, I reached out, with both arms to grab it.  It was like a dream.  But as soon as I did, monsters, that's the only way I can describe them came in through the light and grabbed me by the head. They were hard and cold. My peace and curiosity were turned to fear. Suddenly, my dream had turned into a nightmare. I was twisted and turned; pulled and yanked. I fought with all my might to return to the deep dark confines of the tunnel from which I was being forced. All I wanted to do was to go back to the only home I knew. But it was too late. The hard cold monsters gripped my head harder.  I heard one of the excited voices yell "Push!", and suddenly I was spit out into the light.

The light was warm and very bright. A cooling slime covered my body and oozed off of me. I had never seen anything before and I squinted to see where I was.  My eyes ached from the blinding light. I could see movement around me but that was about all I could make out. The vice grip of the hard and cold monsters melted away in the warmth, but before I could feel comfortable again I was grabbed by the ankles by another unknown force and held upwards and upside down. I was trying to figure out where I was, to see what was happening to me and to see what had grabbed a hold of my ankles and holding me upside down. But every time I tried to open my eyes, the blinding light would sting them and I had to shut them tight. And then came the first blow in my life. A sharp blow across the buttocks. I had never felt pain before, but I was sure that this was it. I struggled to get away from the sharp grip of the monster that had me, but to no avail. And then came another blow. And then another and another. I was being spanked! Spanked, mind you!  And I had no idea of what I had done wrong. In fact I hadn't even had chance to do anything yet in my life, and I was getting spanked. But the blows kept coming. The slapping sound of flesh echoed throughout the room and I fought to get away. I had no idea what use fighting would do since if the monster that had a grip on my ankles let go I would have been dropped on my head. But it hurt and I wanted to get away. The voices came back, louder and more excited than ever. And then another blow slapped across my bottom. My arms began flapping, my knees buckled under the grip that held them. All I could do was cry. It was my only defense.

I cried as loud as I could. And it worked, too. As soon as I began to cry, the blows to my bottom stopped. But I continued to cry so they wouldn't come back. I cried loud, and I cried mean.  I cried as mean as I could. I cried with my mouth wide open trying to look as big and mean as I could. But then another monster attacked me. Every time I cried and let out a loud burst, something was stuck in my face and shoved down my mouth, and it made a loud slurping sound. At times I thought my tongue was going to be sucked right out of my mouth. Then things were put up my nose and they kept going until they came out of my mouth. I thought this misery would never end. If this was life, I wanted no part of it. But when I thought my misery would never end, the grip gently let go and I was encompassed by another, softer, gentler grip that reminded me of my dark, cozy home from where I had just come. It engulfed me round about and added to the warmth of the light that was around me. What ever held me and comforted me began to rub and squeeze me. It was my first full body massage! It moved up and down and all around. I couldn't help but to relax; it felt so good. I thought I had been rescued and my nightmare over. The fantasy of life was awakening inside of me. Smooth voices and soft hands surrounded me. I was caressed over and over again; a squeeze here and a squeeze there. Soft words of comfort that I had no idea what they were, but they were comforting. Now life took on a whole new meaning. And life was wonderful.